road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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