The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
