Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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