so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize