I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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