I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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