my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
