I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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