shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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