Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
