Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
