so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
