he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
