walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
