it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
