I heard we made out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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