Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
