Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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