im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
