The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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