u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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