i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
