the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
