My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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