On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
