I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
