Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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