Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
