I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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