Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
