Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
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