girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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