I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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