Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
