He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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