I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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