while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
