do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The Olympian is in my bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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