dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
