So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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