i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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