If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
