Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
