checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
