I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
