Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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