She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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