Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
