he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
