Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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