I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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