Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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