do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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