she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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