you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
