I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
