I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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