Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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