i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
