Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
