I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
