Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
