I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
