I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize