I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
