Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
