i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
