1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
