I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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