youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize