Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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