She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
