then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
