where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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