I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
