I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
