dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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